Work the Mop!

All through my life I have been  firm believer of fate . I have excused most tragic incidents in life, leaving it upon fate. My family made choices that were different from most usual . I too was subjected to the outcome of their choices. I left that on fate too. I lived in fear of what my family thought of me the first 30 years of life. I took up and dropped many soul felt commitments for the fear of losing a friend or disappointing a parent. I had wished and only wished that someday my life would change and that I will stand on my own feet , firmly holding on to my core beliefs. 

I am there today.

I have finally reached a point where understanding merges with duties. They are entwined beautifully. Co-dependent in a way. It took a while and a loss of a parent for me to reach here. I am 35 yrs old now. I have a 4 yrs old son, an ex boyfriend who is my future Husband , and my current housemate and future Mother in law- All living under the same 3 bedroom roof , merging, thriving upon one another. The synergy is beautiful. 

Asking a man to quit his job and sit at home just so he is available for all and any doubt and assumption you may have about the nature of your relationship for 15 years since having met each other, is ridiculous. But I  wanted that  time.

I wanted full access to dig deep into the hard to reach crevices of my mind , with the intent to clean up of course. For this to happen, I needed full access to my boyfriends brain, as and when, upon will. Yea sounds nasty. It was during the internal lockdown clean up . Eventually as the mess cleared and the floor underneath began to show up, I felt my energies change. Almost instantly I felt calmed from inside. I found the strength to go deeper and hit tornado mode on the vacuum cleaner. 

Foof! That can be intense. 

Felt a bit like the dirty mop (you know the one that you see your maid using every single day? The one you ASSUME is clean since she is the supreme authority on cleanliness ,since her livelihood depends on cleaning things and spaces! No one in their right mind, would imagine cleaning up a place with a dirty soiled equipment! It just doesn't make sense!) which accidentally gets cleaned during days when you are forced to pick it up and run it all over the floor.

Its that day when you actually see how friggin dirty the mop is.

Then you begin to clean it.

The actual gross amount of crap that it ejects from its fine fibres, astounds you beyond your own understanding. You feel like a SUPERHERO! This story definitely goes on to social media! You clean and clean using all the detergent you find. You discover the mop you OWNED is actually White in color and not Brown as you assumed. You can now start your own justice League.

Its similar in a relationship, sometimes life throws us in a situation where we have to clean up our own mess. The National Lockdown has enforced thus facilitated a movement where people are forced to split house chores. Each one must do their bit, many such dirty mops will emerge during clean up. Each one must be cleaned up and valued for its service. Mops in this reference is to traits of a person. Habits, nature, tendencies , value systems, conditionings and perceptions. 

Wash them, clean up, make them smell all nice, enjoy using the clean mop to clean dirty floors trusting the mop can be cleaned again. 

Its a spring clean for your mind. Lockdown means no outside activity. You ll discover all the junk laid aside for "another time" . Bought and cast aside with the assumption of having no time to actually unbox and enjoy the contents. Imagine these boxes to be memories once made. Imprinted in your mind and traces left on your phone album. Spend time to make sense of your boxes and their contents. You may surprise yourself with the story you carry. 

You will find the existence of many often turned to but skewed pairs of glasses.

We use them when we believe we cant face reality. But we often forget to discard them after use. They are meant for single use. We save them up for another time. Our perceptions may not even match that prescription for the glass and yet we wear them. To give them life out of our own guilt, we water the entire garden not willing to remove the weeds to provide better and adequate nutrition for the plants that are meant to be in the garden. IF the mind is the Garden, Then only we ourselves can be the Gardener . No one else has the same kind of access and power.

This lockdown period gives ample time for gardening. Both physical and mental. Learn the seasons, the patterns, clean and nourish your soil, sow the right seeds at the right time, learn the importance and concept of time, understand what it means to you and your life story you recently assembed, learn watering schedules for various plants (relationships) , you will learn ways to enjoy a relationship without anyone getting drained, know how much sunlight is too much. Sunlight in this context is attention. Both giving and recieving. Know how much is "enough" for you. Learn Balance, its important. Learn to rest. its equally important. 

Dig up old graves to salt and burn the remains. Not to keep them up and running like zombies. 

Happy digging :)