rebirth

                    My eyes open and my mind maze begins to navigate my consciousness into regions that seem lit up, needing attention.My partner sees my perplexed face and demands to want to help. Sure, if he could enter my brain and ask the talking tom to stop talking and walking all over the place, I could perhaps get a moment to explain the contents of my “process” via speech in order to take him up on his offer to help. There are times, I get the opportunity of mildly composing my thoughts before I give words to them. It leads to a session wherein I start to reveal all that I see and feel, and I see him spacing out, few minutes into the monologue. 😊 I understand, since they are not his memories, he cannot toggle between the snippets I provide, leave alone make sense of it. I am all for encouraging curiosity. Its wonderful to be curious, but to expect sealed answer/results to satisfy the curiosity, enforces a need for urge...

Ever burst into tears looking at a gift someone gave you with eyes dripping with eagerness for a response, and a heart filled with earnest desire to surprise you? From surprise to disappointment the jump is stark, almost in an instant, upon coming in any sort of contact with the item. Sometimes even talking about it can get similar reaction. What is it about gifts that make them sentimental items instead of a thought someone had for you expressed via an item. Why does it feel like the heart is ripped out and shredded into million shreds when the gift turns out to be a disappointment? Be real , follow protocol or worse be sly about it. These are the 3 ways I figure the situation is managed. Being real would mean waterworks , anger, disappointment spelled out in choice words. Following protocol means thanking the person who gifted the disappointment, telling them it is something you have always wanted, and you are so grateful that they “surprised” you with it. Obviously aft...

Opening past chapters of your life, should be with the purpose of reliving some wonderful emotions and catching up with self. Instead of feeling disconnected with your own “story” every time the memory of what you lost, comes to surface. Your past connects you to who you are today, which in turn has a huge impact on the possibility of a new combination, leading to yet another kind of ending. Meaning there is no “sealed fate” if your conscious decisions shape your reality. By being conscious you can constantly create newer possibilities of living differently . Your decisions will eventually lead to your ultimate demise. All that starts must end. But at least you knew your story well and played the lead in it. Everything can be mapped from start to finish. Some of us measure with the tangible and some measure with intangible resources like intuition, foresight, vision, premonition. The idea of mapping is to provide data for an informed decision regarding spending...

Life offers us a book of blank pages. Life also promises to refill the sheets when they are all used to the maximum limit. Yet we are afraid to release the truth, mark the sheets with what we know to be true, proven unproven regardless, instead we call upon her sisters to falsely represent her, based on their similarity in appearances.  We have centuries worth of opinions preserved as texts. Some sacred some outright dreadful . People at no point have been afraid to express their version of truth, I call opinion.  They wrote when there were no existing language or script. They wrote and we interpreted. Wonder how much was washed away in the Chinese whisper. When there were no tablets, there were the original tablets.  Nothing could stop humans from picking up a tool to record their visions! Doesn’t matter if that knowledge holds true today, or if we even understand the way it was meant to be understood. We se...

Hostel life as a 9 year old taught me a thing or two about living and fending for your own kind. Very early in life I became aware of “my own kind” of people. There was a certain type of a personality that would draw my attention. The voiceless. Those whose voices were subdued by bossy seniors or tyrannical wardens. I was their One girl army on the move. I didn’t create teams coz till date I find it hard to work within a team.  I took up the job and executed it. Be it something as simple as add an extra BOWL of salt to a teachers bowl of Dal/Sambar to something more crafty like device a plan to get rid of the school Principal for sexually abusing school girls within campus.  My projects were varied. I played Cupid, Athena and maybe even innocent Mohini (The dumbfuck version who is actually clueless of what her powers are doing to the next one, you know simply playing with chemistry) I enjoyed my roles. They kept me busy. Then Teenage happened...

All through my life I have been  firm believer of fate . I have excused most tragic incidents in life, leaving it upon fate. My family made choices that were different from most usual . I too was subjected to the outcome of their choices. I left that on fate too. I lived in fear of what my family thought of me the first 30 years of life. I took up and dropped many soul felt commitments for the fear of losing a friend or disappointing a parent. I had wished and only wished that someday my life would change and that I will stand on my own feet , firmly holding on to my core beliefs.  I am there today. I have finally reached a point where understanding merges with duties. They are entwined beautifully. Co-dependent in a way. It took a while and a loss of a parent for me to reach here. I am 35 yrs old now. I have a 4 yrs old son, an ex boyfriend who is my future Husband , and my current housemate and future Mother in law- All living under the same 3 bedroom roof , ...