Ever burst
into tears looking at a gift someone gave you with eyes dripping with eagerness
for a response, and a heart filled with earnest desire to surprise you?
From surprise
to disappointment the jump is stark, almost in an instant, upon coming in any
sort of contact with the item. Sometimes even talking about it can get similar
reaction.
What is it
about gifts that make them sentimental items instead of a thought someone had
for you expressed via an item.
Why does it
feel like the heart is ripped out and shredded into million shreds when the
gift turns out to be a disappointment?
Be real ,
follow protocol or worse be sly about it.
These are
the 3 ways I figure the situation is managed.
Being real
would mean waterworks,
anger, disappointment spelled out in choice words.
Following
protocol means thanking the person who gifted the disappointment, telling them
it is something you have always wanted, and you are so grateful that they “surprised”
you with it. Obviously after they leave the gift is either tossed into
re-gifting basket or perhaps hidden away lest the person who gifted , wishes to
see/revisit the item they purchased with so much love , and wishes to flaunt
the fact that they seem to know you so much and so well , enough to give you
your dream gift.
The 3rd
way, the sly way is by accepting the gift with bare minimal excitement, resell
the item after the person gifting is gone out of sight, take the money, buy
something else you like, call the person and let them know you have
misplaced/broken the gift.
End of
story. Job done.
So, what is
it about Gifts that make them precious? Is it a meter to gauge the level of knowledge
the person carries, regarding you? How much they know about your taste types.
Or is it
something deeper?
I am
beginning to wonder if people put any thought into gifts in the first place. I
can understand the purpose of a gifting agency to be to facilitate gifting in
bulk, but it is not another one’s job to decide what gifts your friends and
family should receive.
I know some
people who are petrified with the thought of gifting. They would rather wish
birthdays and other such gifting occasions would vanish altogether.
I am sure
they sleep through days that need the social activity of exchanging gifts. I
find such people to be deeply suppressed, who probably don’t know their own
needs enough to be able to gauge another one’s feelings or needs.
Its only
when you “see” the vacuum area in another one’s life, can you think about
filling it up with something you think appropriate.
It must go with
the rest of their inner garden landscape. Its not right to expect someone to
change their landscape just to accommodate your “gift”.
Some people believe
“spending time “with others is a way of gifting something. Some like to copy
and paste, read buy and give. Some people like to hand make their presents,
some people gift missing links to a puzzle by providing a tune to tune into and
reset yourself.
Such gifts are
priceless. Music can be so uplifting but a very tricky gift. You really need to
know the persons state of mind to be able to provide an appropriate playlist. I
have been quite lucky there, somehow music has made me connect deeper with
people who share/gift the groove to me.
What makes a good gift “good”?
A good gift
is often a thoughtful one not an imposed one. I have received quite a few
thoughtful gifts. My heart sings with joy each time I remember the gesture and
the item.
It could have
been something inspiring to delve deep into, by touch, smell, taste, sight, or even
something to wear, to do, like an experience.
I remember my
dad gifting me many vacations 😊. Each one for different purpose, carefully crafted to
save me the hassle of planning.
A gift is
something that involves a lot of thought and attention to detail. It takes a lot to think on behalf of
someone else.
So, it is
best to be as open about it, as possible. Save the build-up for another mystery.
For a child, every day is new, seen as a gift. We as adults must not save gifting for
occasions. It sets the mind into waiting mode, the expectations are raised and
when the final day arrives and the gift is not meeting the standards set by the
“build up”, the relationship undergoes a darker hue of transition.
I am still
traumatized by my mother gifting me Christmas decorations from Harrods,
welcoming 1998 on my birthday which falls in November. It would have otherwise
been a bag of thoughtful gifts had I not been a Hosteler who slept on a rolled-out
mattress occupying barely few feet of the floor space in a room shared by 70
other girls.
I remember
being worried about reacting in a way that would disappoint her, so after
covering my tone briefly I burst into tears.
She believed
Everything can be a gift. Anything can be a gift.
She could have
been right, but I would like to add to it. I think It is about gifting the
right things at the right time.
All that we
give our children are gifts. When we spread them out as per their needs instead
of occasions defined by years of cultural conditioning, we encourage them to
look at life with a broader view.
Pleasing
people then does not become “people pleasing attitude” It becomes organic.
Natural.
When the
mind is tuned into sensitivity, understanding another one’s need does not overwhelm
us. People do not reveal much about themselves just for the reactions, they
open themselves up, to be understood and dealt with accordingly.
Gifting then
becomes easy, its just like helping a person “find” the missing pieces of their
jigsaw puzzle called life, instead of expecting them to be grateful for you
walking in on them, trying to solve their puzzle, with an intention to help and
a broom stick in hand.
I am sure
the intention is “a good clean up for a fresh start”, but people cant dump
their lives that exist between their ears, just to allow your ego to be
satisfied for the dumb act of cleaning up mess that doesn’t belong to you.
Basically,
people cannot run away from their lives, so might as well be thoughtful about
what gifts/baggage you may be adding to their kitty.
Give a warm
welcome to June peeps 😊
The End
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