The Kabootar Dance.

     

Today, as I was watching the sky, standing atop my terrace, of my rented apartment, I saw two Kabootars (Pigeons). One appeared to be tinier in size and built, than the other. The other one looked robust and bigger in comparison.

The little one kept flying off, while the robust one kept following it around.

This went on for a while. The little one would perch from one wall to the other and the big one would walk, twirl, as if it were on a ramp, at a mid-turn, and then continue to make way, towards the little one.

 It took me a while to figure, that I was a witness to an active chase in process, and then, it all clicked and I immediately knew, the genders of both pigeons. After that, it was like watching a little game, where the tiny one was the Girl, and the big one was the Guy, and the plot was the helpless and the bully.

This, I assumed.

 

I was wrong!

 

At first, it looked as if she was intimidated by his presence and incessant chase, and my heart felt pity for her existence. Oh poor bird! Even in avian World, there is no safety for a woman, kind of jazz.  For she clearly appeared, to be giving no attention to him while he shamelessly and relentlessly chased her around. And then something happened which made me curious.

He flew off! Leaving her alone and in peace, so I assumed.

 

She started walking around by herself. Looking in the area of the sky, she saw him fly into. Then she started grooming herself, pecking out tiny bugs, preening herself, I assumed it to be as a sign of relief.

 I felt happy for her, for a moment there, until I saw the big guy, make his re-entry in a casual, nonchalant manner.

 

Totally ignoring her, he parked himself on a nearby wall and waited until she walked to him.

 

And then I saw magic!

 

She literally went at his beak, with hers, and started what I assumed to be angry kissing. He kissed her back. Cool-ly! The body language, in that unspoken realm of existence, spoke volumes to me.

 Few minutes of pecking at each other’s neck would happen, then he would move away and she would follow! This pattern repeated itself for a good five minutes.

 

And then, of course, the inevitable happened, now that the guy was cool and full of aloof abandon, she went up to him and stuck out her bottom!

 

 I almost choked at her audacity of asking space, or assumed space and then, acting out in a complete opposite way. From playing hard to get, to taking the liberty to attack him, ( for leaving her and flying away), the shift was visible.

Now, she seemed docile, submissive, willing to engage. To me, it felt like she was asking for something, without actually knowing and accepting, her need or desire for it. Just as a reaction to an action.

 

But that’s just my interpretation. Something completely different could be happening, but in that moment, my senses were injured.

 

 I couldn’t fathom her invitation. Was it to appease him, out of fear that he may leave again? Or to gain some attention, since she wasn’t getting any from him, at that moment? I was completely confused by now.

 

I kept watching until they figured I was watching them, and then it didn’t feel nice anymore, to continue making them the subject of my study. I bid farewell and went about my day.

 

But those few minutes of observation, raised so many questions in my mind about the general nature of a Man- Woman relationship. (We shall assume it’s a man and a woman for the sake of brevity, it could very well be two individuals in an equation).

So, is the animal kingdom imitating mankind or is it the reverse in order? Coz both looked kind of identical in that moment.

 

Think about it!

 

At first, the man tries to woo a girl, she has her own airs about the whole thing and chooses to ignore him, as she assumes this raises the bar of expectations, giving the equation a better starting point, and her, a better footing. Confusing right?

 

As a response, he takes the rejection personally and not as a game she intended it to be. To be fair, it wasn’t communicated to him, in any format, so he gets confused and eventually, he leaves, instead of playing along, as she subtly intended.

 

The girl, who is invested by now, by giving him, her full attention and making space and time for his romance-adoo, seems confused too and in utter lack of awareness, of her own real needs and desires, decides to wait for his return.

 

By now, she has gotten a taste of his attention and must do whatever it takes, to have it back in her life. But, when he returns, she is ready to attack him with love, disguised as anger, as a way of expressing her right to his attention, sort of like entitlement.

 

He continues to feel unsure about his position in the equation and tries to “be there” cautiously.

 

The lack of chase and the presence of caution begin to throw off her balance and soon, her identity of her-self, becomes cloudy and hazy. What started out as a game, becomes the center of her attention. She finds herself making it her sole task, to be available and ready for him.

 

This new found submissive obsession takes away the essence of play in the budding relationship, coz now, both are cautious and wary of each other’s actions and reactions. He is unsure of whether she likes and wants him, while She is just chasing the attention she got used to, within one interaction.

 

It’s a mess. And the relationship hasn’t even fully begun!

 

Many people go on dancing, this chaos dance for years, in complete unawareness and some even get married in the hope that the other one will change. Some remain married as the hope is their only crutch  by now.

 

No prizes for guessing the quality of such relationships. No real conversations with self, (lack of self-awareness with no clear boundary, starting from the inability to disassociate from oneself in order to gain a bird’s eye view of the situation to make clear, informed decisions), leading to dishonest exchange with the other.

It may appear moral and righteous on the outside, but it roots are from the hook of hope, even if it may be, for a genuine connection.

In order to achieve that genuine connection, they try to build something together. A house, a child, a business, a partnership, shared goals, individual goals that promise to take inspiration from the other as nourishment for the relationship. Thus, including and acknowledging the role, the other one is playing, in the relationship. It all appears holy and harmless, until the holes begin to appear as physical injuries, and the hurt begins to burn deep within one’s own personality and body. In most cases, the realization of this rot, doesn’t happen until all that remains is a confused, dissatisfied, injured and perhaps an angry self.

 

Ouch!

 

It was all an arrangement, basically.

An arrangement, gone wrong! To be exact.

 

If only the terms of the arrangement were clear.

 

Being unaware of yourself generally leads to an unhappy relationship with self and with another, romantic or otherwise. Which are essentially like a bad arrangement, with the souls doing half time, as it has already left the scene of the crime, mostly after the first meeting, after that, it’s one form of the duty or the other that keeps them physically present, mentally absent from the relationship. The guilt is usually piled on the party that made the first move, and from there on its downhill. Guilt and shame dominate the nature of exchange, with self and with the other.

 

Sounds like a terrible place to be in, if you ask me.

 

I don’t understand, how anything genuine is supposed to arise, from the lack of self-awareness, of one’s own personality and traits, which appear as needs and desires.! Acceptance of one’s own nature, is a whole different step, which I don’t want to get into, right now.

 

My point is, that without the inner work, it feels like deceiving your own self.

 

You must learn to identify your own voice first, to be able to differentiate it efficiently, from the voices of Others, which are stored in your memory, disguised as your own voice.

 

I finally understand the nature behind a pigeon being so invasive and bold with humans, taking their garden space without a worry in the World and laying eggs all over it and attacking the garden owner when he/she shows up to water the plants.

 

That entitlement is the effect of all this game playing with self, but isn’t that their nature? Their level of consciousness, as compared with a Human, is at a very low level. Automatic, unconscious Action and Reaction based.

Humans on the other hand are supposed to be far more evolved, consciously speaking. Why are they, then mimicking the animal tendencies?

 

Willpower, can grant access into ones own mental realm, what you choose to do with the access is up to you. You can either create or destroy, or do nothing altogether and be an observer. Which in my opinion is the best way to get to know yourself and the World around you. It sort of lays the foundation blocks of trust in self.

 

The more you observe, without adding your own mirch masala to the event, the more trust and faith you create, in your own judgement. This mean feat is achieved by keeping your opinions to yourself. Consistently, processing your own thought before making a move to respond or react.

Consistency, being the key word.

And yes, even a simple, repetitive, everyday decisions, counts.

 

A relationship with self and others, stemming from this space, is not cautious, its Conscious 😊which simply means, you are in charge of your own thoughts and the emotions that they generate. The other one, is simply reacting or responding to you during interaction. The control panel, comes back into your hand, for yourself.

 

Isn’t that cool?

 

Just by, observing your thoughts and patterns, without judgement, you befriend yourself, which eventually lead to discovering your real authentic self?

 

The more you Observe, and the lesser you judge, and the more access you are given. To yourself.

 

Period.

 

Do what you want with this gyan 😊