Poked

 

 

We spend a huge portion of our lives, in perfecting a system, in hope of it helping us maximize the returns from our Earth bound experience. We create routines and a sense of paper perfect, in hope of experiencing all the good stuff, life can possibly offer.

We want to do more, think more, travel more, to "feel" alive.

I think we have enough feelings even without the stimuli.

This body, we lovingly abuse. 

Taking for granted its every function and use. Not thinking for a second about what’s holding it all together.

Our “will power” is tested daily as the number of man-made beautiful objects increase their visibility, through mass advertising on social media.

Our "attention" is all over the place with no realistic believable future to pin hopes on. The mind doesn't remain focused long enough to gather enough energy to finish crafting a dream worth living.

Have we lost our ability to connect, to be within and happy with oneself? 

Is friendship with self only valid when prescribed by the Therapist?

Are we truly not enough?

Or are we simply over stimulated?

I think, the disconnect from self, starts when we take our nature, relationships, moments, emotions, places and time for granted.

First we avoid being fully present in a moment, then we forget to relive it through memory. Hence making the existence of EVERYTHING FUTILE.

Isn’t this kind of thinking against the basics of nature?

We forget about the inevitable death that stares at all of us alike. We think everything will be the way we left it. Waiting to receive attention to grow and evolve.

Purely energetically speaking, it’s the truth. But with cycles of time having passed by layers of energetic debris collect and needs addressing, acknowledging and letting go off, to catch up genuinely. It’s a long lengthy process that can be avoided by attending to emotions as and when you feel them coming.

Nature is synonymous with consistent change. Its transitional, cyclic.

All we can hold on to, is our sense of being, our consciousness. Our sense of judgement, to be able to differentiate what’s right and necessary for us and what’s wrong and avoidable.

Both will have the cause and effect. That’s unavoidable.

Right and necessary are exchanges that kill ego and help you evolve. Help you understand and remain in touch with your emotions that feed you good health thus giving you a sense of safe belonging.

Belonging is a feeling of knowing where you come from. We come from Earth and we go back into it.

Throughout life, we seek a purpose to fuPolfil, an agenda to follow. But does life really need to have a purpose? Are we creating a purpose to make ourselves feel “useful”?

Just recently, I began to question the foundation of the exchanges/relationships I share, with people around me. My son not included coz I birthed him. He is my mirror and hence excluded from this monologue.

My mind seems to be digging up connections from past trying to find meaning in present day exchange.

I would like to analyze the possible sources of distractions that cause a rift with self.

I am questioning the very nature of exchange, between my updated self and those I consider close. I’m mulling over reasons for closeness, and their very reason for existence in my life, every day or otherwise.

Some are concerned for me, and make it a point to express it, by pointing out all that appears to be wrong with me and my life. Perhaps their intentions are to “contribute something” but are unsure what to offer, so free observational report is what I get.

They concern themselves over my choices in friends, clothes, make up and demeanor. I baffle them and their reaction baffles me. They advise, try being patient, all in hope of being able to mould me in a shape they’d like to conveniently possess.

My unwillingness often rules. I don’t like to be shaped into anything, I’m not jello.

To such people I appear nasty, with a bitter after taste. Its only recently that I stopped judging myself based on their unfulfilled desires related to me.

Some people exist due to their biological influence.

Some, due to the influence which was created long ago, during my growing years, watching me, from distance. Years later they approach me and suggest friendship. This kind too, I don’t understand, since it is not based on current day information.

It is not valid as of today. They are basing my nature on their version of whatever memories they have of me. It often turns into “you are not the same person” kind of conclusion.

Like hell I am not, I birthed a child and have been taking care of him, every single part of me has undergone a transformation. Cell by cell I feel like a different person. It can be tough to catch up with.

With patience and understanding though, it is possible.

Some like to “hang on” with the hope of being able to be a part of my evolution regardless of the role they play or didn’t play in it.

Some have been attracted for the longest time and just seek an opportunity to interact to feed some material to their already overworked imaginative brains.

I love the equations that are based on the taste for common music. It allows me to share time and energy very calmly. Share and exchange a beat, soak a vibe in peace, groove and nod heads in synchrony.

Some just want to know a girl who is tall and talkative. Bizarre.

People I could possibly play sports with, seem to trigger a competitive streak in me.

Not cool. I try very hard at being calm.

Musician and artist friends are awesome. Period.

They mind their own life, business and minds. They care more for my craft than my emotions. They share, and display their thoughts through their craft. Its invigorating, exciting, thought provoking and educational.

People who attach seeing me get attention, seem to take a lot from the process. They latch on as minions and refuse to budge until assigned with duties that make them feel resourceful. It becomes a challenge to keep such peeps busy, since they insist on spending more time, in hope of helping out more. In hope of Extended friendship, and shared privileges.  I am beginning to be terrified of them, they seem to know too much.

Then there are people who I try being nice to, in hope of balancing the karmic scale.

Learning ways to turn an energy down, is new for me. I have so far been a believer of swimming with the tide. This whole idea of holding a form without being rigid depends on “boundaries” or the lack of it. I am assuming boundaries should be porous with filters in place to restrict trash from getting in, all the while not pushing away the good and necessary.

When everything interconnects, making sense of the energies and moving forward with grace becomes essential. We carry a piece of all those we interacted and exchanged energies with. Being Aware shows respect  and keeps relationship alive, nurturing and thriving. Ignorance of this interconnectedness, leads to build up that will need to be dealt with at some point.

My suggestion is to cultivate better filters :)