Fear of Happiness

 

When we were kids we were filled with ideas about a perfect world. We had dreams, hope and faith to support our enthusiasm. 

Enough to sail us through childhood. We had the imagination to create and dwell in our new imaginary world, which changed every day based on environmental influences. We dreamt of what adulthood would be like. Unlimited freedom to fulfil deep desires.

Growing up was more about being able to live our imaginary life than about the affordability aspect of it. It was about “what “we wanted and not about “how” we got it.

Logic wasn’t a tool used while dreaming up a future. We absorbed the world around us and responded to it with innocence and trust, reciprocating the data with visions, imaginations and dreams for the future.

We knew, that if anything were to go wrong, there’ll always be someone having our backs. As kids, this knowledge gave us the confidence to attempt at winning, or trying and failing at something. The energy to “try” came from the faith we had in our care givers. They were Gods for us.

They decided they were always right and knew the way of life, and we were told they were right and knew their way around life. This was told to generate unconditional trust.

Their views of life were superimposed upon us as influence and upbringing. In exchange we demanded love, affection, attention, food, hugs and everything in between, from them. We ensured we received whatever we felt we earned and were entitled to.

We earned by doing as we were told, from chores, to being taught life skills. Quicker adaptation meant quicker learning of the ropes.

We fought bravely for our supposed Right. Be it for a candy or some form of entertainment.

Growing up meant facing rejection. First from our caregivers, when our demands were deemed unreasonable, then from friends who were raised differently and refused to share their treats and such.

At some point, we took “No” a little too seriously and failed to continue demanding from people and eventually ourselves.

The exchange between absorbing life and dreaming more, stopped. We stopped dreaming and believing in that dream. We stopped demanding from our own selves and gave in to what we thought was “needed” in life just to get by, without creating too much noise.

Life was understood to be a battleground instead of the aromatic herbal garden it could be.

From the parent’s perspective, demands would require resources to be met. Kids, not having an understanding of money, tend to be liberal while placing a demand. Adults subtly reshape an innocent mind to be reasonable, to calculate before wishing or wanting, thus teaching a child to be within a certain parameter of parent’s affordability, which limits their self-worth and inhibits their self-preservative intuition, eventually.

Being told the world is an expensive place and earning money is hard, can limit even an adult into being watchful and double checking on locks.

The emotional fabric of the society is split into many parts, purely due to this.

I believe, this limited thinking about the availability of resources, has a direct impact on the way we view money as a concept and defines the nature of our earning, spending and saving.

For kids, the concept of money exists only if spoken about, by the parents. Depending on the emotional context, the child begins to understand money as a tool, means or end game.

Parents on the other hand were trying to cope with life. Having included tiny ones to their journeys, their mathematics of life was bound to get muddled hence affecting their emotional state. Kids grew up watching their folks worry over money, thinking when they’d get bigger they’ll handle things differently. By the time the growing up happens, the mind gets unconsciously pre conditioned with parents set of limited beliefs, unless questioned and revised.

As tiny ones, we felt we deserved to get whatever we received. The notion of “cost” didn’t occur to us. We knew the art of receiving with a smile, without doubting the intent of the giver or thinking much about what to give, in exchange. We received gracefully, happily and with much joy and appreciation for the gift and the giver. There was an innate sense of having a right and of being right in asking for what was needed. It’s no wonder that kids get what they want, they feel they deserve it.

This confidence mostly comes from the support system our families provided for us as a home, warm meals, supervised education and a purpose of life that comes from being told what to do, when to do, even how to do it.

It’s called guidance.

Instincts guide the parents and they in turn guide the children.

As long as we did as we were instructed, someone will get happy and reward us for our efforts.

The end result of putting an effort, was understood to be “someone getting happy” and hence “rewarding” us with something.

I feel, the same should be carried over into adulthood. It doesn’t take much to value happiness of others and doing what we feel will bring them more of it. In exchange of this genuine feeling of warmth a person wishes well for you, which could manifest itself into any form, from an item to a gesture.

But, we are afraid of happiness. For most people happiness costs money and that’s when thinking gets drier than dehydrated skin.

Kids are afraid of making mistakes when the fear of punishment exists. It’s mostly parents who scare a child with the fear of punishment to tame their behaviors. This carries forth into adulthood. Of being afraid of consequences, of being afraid to dream for the fear of sounding unreasonable. We forget, Adults too, are big kids.

From childhood to adulthood, a lot changes in the way we exchange energies. A demanding adult is termed as entitled. As adults, most of us get our right to be happy from our earnings, social status and public opinion in general.  Adults impose conditions to derive happiness as a by-product. Not from being a giver of joy and watching someone bloom enough to shower you with their grace.

Happy kids light up the surrounding with their effervescence, creating happy kids leads to watching happiness unfold in multiple forms, leading to a happy home. 

Happy people make happy home, leading to a happier society.

When control is high and happiness runs dry, life begins to appear as a fight. At such times, having a mentor could prove helpful. But rarely do we trust someone else to decide for us after our experiences with being told what to do.

It takes regular complete disconnection from people and a shutdown of stimulation to unwind yourself, to get in touch with your original ideas of life. Pre conditioned notions need to be recognized and updated to suit your current requirements of experiences.

But the fear of leaving behind all that we are, all that we relate to, feel comfortable in and having got used to, is daunting. It’s a leap of faith to surrender to this new force, that leads to places we can’t see and to emotions we haven’t yet experienced.

Shedding past belief system starts with enquiry, when you question why you do, what you do.

The fear of Change is real.

The change can happen seamlessly with the help of “hope”

“As you drop one, threefold shall emerge as options.”

That’s the law of Three. That’s hope enough for me.

You can’t force hope on anyone. It comes from having faith.

Belief system, much like your digestive system, needs regular feeding and cleaning. Having old food (beliefs) stuck in your system, can lead to multiple organ damage (multiple relationship failures).

We need to upgrade our requirements, which should ideally change along with the seasons. What doesn’t serve the season must be thanked and given/packed away. Holding on to the outdated set of beliefs can give convoluted results. So much that you may feel nothing new in this life.

And there is always something NEW in this life.

Our beliefs, shape our everyday reality. If we believe that actions have no consequences, we will be reckless about actions and continue facing more consequences as reaction to action. Thought leads to action. Thinking about something makes space for it to exist in your life. Control your thought, not others opinions of you.

Blaming others for your actions doesn’t change the consequence. It adds their energy to the existing loop of confusion.

Our lives mirror our beliefs, maybe once in a while it’s a good idea to review our faith. How much do we have and based on what hidden beliefs?

As a society we are force fed a variety of beliefs, with very little room for questioning.

We get sucked into a whirlpool of emotions which probably have nothing to do with our imagined form of goal. Our questions are doused with forced set of beliefs to follow. This practice of shushing a child when they ask questions, is followed all the way into adulthood where people questioning their belief systems are considered “insensitive” by people who fear, they’ll lose the value or position in the said relationship.

Fear is a happiness killer. Fear is addressed by logic. Following another person’s logic leads to fear. Creating your own belief system, is the way to go.

Review old beliefs. Create new ones. Periodically review them like you do with your books. Giving so much importance to money, the “fuel of life” and ignoring happiness the “source of life” will drain the joy of living from your soul.

Give yourself the space to be questioned by You, in hope for a better and varied experience of life.

Cheers 😊