On Stranger Tides.

Let's imagine the possibility of such a situation existing . Shall we?

A baby girl is born in a well to do household. Mama takes care of her, her papa and her extended family. Baby gets to play with everyone and everyones chores belong to Mama.

From cleaning to cooking appropriate meals for her, to feeding her every hour, chanting some incantation to repel anything negative, lest the negativity gets transferred to the food and the baby gets sick. 

All fed, baby goes to others to play while the mom returns to  her other errands, like drying the clothes that were laundered by her in the morning, the same lot she didn't get time to dry ,coz she was making and serving breakfast for the family! 

After which she must  cook lunch for the family. Which means she must prepare special meals for everyone according to their diet preferences. All the while "grateful" for the relatives for "taking care" of the baby girl , while she was busy with "her work".

She might have to do the dishes as well. 

Sounds tiring yet? The list of activities have just begun, her day is just half way through..

Hiring a cook would simply put all the women of the house into unemployment mode. That means, they will have nothing to do! 

Asking for help will yield replies like "you are spoilt" , "for generations the women of this house have cared for this home, you want to invite a stranger?", " You are not built for a commitment, no one would have married you, if not for me!" 

As if asking for help wasn't bad enough, the gender will sprout up as issue.

A maid has to be a woman, it's in her righteous nature to serve a man. 

A man will be grateful to a maid for giving him a cup of coffee and perhaps may feel obliged to show her , he cares by warm extending thankyou's and smiles which sometimes leads to giving money (outside home-tips!).

But the woman (mom/gran/sister) who served him coffee for years and is still expected to do so, gets attacked about the coffee being too hot , or not hot enough! 

"How many more years is it gonna take, for you , to perfect a damn simple cup of coffee?" 

Sounds familiar?

Let's say she has success in procuring a maid, that poor lady will be expected to withstand nonsense since the women of the house are territorial and don't actually want an outsider. An external "witness" just isn't needed. The women LIVE in the house 24 * 7. They ARE THE HOME LITERALLY! The intruding presence of a maid isn't taken lightly. Their minds are conditioned to set patterns.

Eventually the maid gets fired.

A woman, who cleans 7 houses in a single day ,including hers, is bound to be erratic, short fused and a bit like a pistol. She is her own BOSS! She comes when she wants, cleans the way she wants and leaves early on most days. Takes off, expects to be paid, expects extra money gifts etc.

She is definitely more independent than her employer . 

Keeping the above control dynamics in mind,  if she (Mama) thinks of hiring a "male" to "get job done" , she is directly dealing with an assumption that a man will be too risky, as she would get attracted to the first man who actually helps her in her "duties", by easing her burden.

REAL men are only supposed to add to the existing check list, to keep his woman/women busy. Because you know.. How else will she find purpose in her dull life?

The truth is, *Family conditioned people* get comfortable "putting up"  and "following traditions" . They find ways to bend and twist to successfully accommodate the visitors called "men of the house", 

Their home - Their clock. 

They sneak in TV and sleep in between. A Man's nagging and demanding presence disrupt their pace of getting things done. 

Seeing the women in the kitchen would call for a request or demand .

The more considerate ones will walk in, inspect and assign a small job, like, "make me a sandwich, with chai and chutney", or I got some friends home for dinner! :)

A woman feels the nagging need to appear scary to look less approachable . That answers why some women look and feel aggressive like Kali Mata! 

This way fewer requests come flying her way , in addition to all that is on the Mental To-Do list of recurring activities. BLD to start with!

After all she is well provided with **groceries** (to cook), **clothes** (to wear, wash, dry, iron, fold, repeat ) to be multiplied by the number of members in the family , a **home** (to clean, mop, maintain, decorate, set ambience etc), her next to nil **bills are paid**( coz  the man needs her to have a phone to "coordinate" with her thousand times during the day to "check " on her.) He has "given" her a **Family** . His **friends** are now hers. 

God forbid he calls and her phone is busy! "You are forever on the phone!" probably at the cost of a pending batch of dirty linen. She has to be available for the man's "break time" . Coz he has a "job" and is "busy" . 

Her phone calls are monitored . Since the man cannot be around to do so , in person , his surveillance extends to his circle of relatives and friends. Sometimes even her friends are looped in.

 They "help" him keep a watch. From the minute she steps out of the bathroom and dries her hair unusually with a blow dryer ,then applies a fresh coat of lipstick, she is being watched like a hawk, by the seemingly harmless fragile looking elder of the house. The phone rings and it's her man asking her where she is heading to, and if the job he **assigned** has been completed !

He "cares" for her by paying her share of the bill at a restaurant, which he chose. And after going through the menu several times, has decided who eats what!

She is supposed to make love to him that night in special ways , since he spends "lavishly" on her besides everyday provisions , and expects gratefulness.

Saying No means, she offends his man ego in shape of a penis! 

And that she is definitely cheating on him, otherwise why else would she say no to "lovemaking" ? All he is trying to do is show her love! Right? Whats wrong in that?

Her Family has officially spent a lot of money on her wedding etc and would do anything to keep her tucked away in her husbands home. "Doesn't make sense to waste money! What would people think ? Our daughter has problems doing "housework'? We have spoilt her, let her learn the real ways of life!"

Slowly her friends cut off from her, coz every time they want to meet her, something comes up and she is unavailable. Sometimes after reaching a venue ,she is asked to take a detour back home as something came up . Definitely more important than meeting friends. Friends aren't allowed home, coz home has a bed and people can fuck! So no bringing friends home. What will neighbours think? What kind of a woman is this who invites men home ? 

A girl who was raised to believe that her life will begin after she gets married, is told it will happen after the baby arrives. After the baby she is expected to forget the very existence of her life coz by now priorities have changed. Or should change at least.

Im thinking women have been raising children and the adults of the house for centuries, SINGLE handedly. If they can run a chaos filled house with such command, imagine what they would do when they are driven, to be a part of something outside of the Home-economic zone.

 Im thinking new Thinkers and Leaders will emerge. Women who know their priorities in order and don't compromise on "baby time " nor "Let's get busy- time" . They probably understand that manual work is work nevertheless and have respect and courage to let a maid imagine she runs the household, cos she probably does , by **keeping possessions clean and usable. **

Thats one hell of a maintenance job.

I really wish more women get out of this myth that their main purpose of life is to successfully build and run a household. It would need a serious amount of domination over the boys and men of the house to establish control, which really ruins many possibly healthy equations. It isolates the men from the women of the house. The men becomes "eaters" and women become "servers" . Servers and Eaters don't sleep on the same bed! The attitude needed to maintain these roles don't allow equality to exist, even as a concept. 

Your son and your husband should be allowed to jump on the bed and spill milk/wine! The maid is paid to clean. It's her job once a day. You can wreak the house in the morning and live in hell until the next day, making her Queen , or you can clean as you go and SHE does the major scrubbing.

Taking the pressure of "being **The Incharge**" off oneself, allows healthy family time spent together.  Instead of either parent thinking of the dirty dish or whats for dinner, time could be valued differently based on the quality of creativity via activity. It would be a destress for adults, pretending to be kids and a learning for the child, pretending to be an adult.

Having the dailies automated gives ample time for real meaningful activities. It provides employment. It provides adequate time left to be monetised if money be the concern. It allows us to graciously receive help and recognise this as care, since we pay for it and wish to draw the most from it. The ladies of the house can focus on their own time and agenda provided the men of the house learn to adjust to the set menu or take initiative to cater to their own impulsive whims and fancies like Home made Vada Pau at 4 pm with Chai kinda thing

It takes effort to do anything. Anything that is done, is done by effort. However indoor, outdoor, small, big or automated it may be. 

Value it. Conserve energy. Enjoy it .

:)